Postnatal Blues

Ok, I’ve been meaning to write this post couple of weeks ago, but ofcourse being a mom- you literally have no time for anything other than investing your time in your little human being. So here I am, finally getting around to write this post!

I feel like what I am about to say is not just a ‘me’ problem but also other mother’s out there experience the same. If not, then maybe I’m just crazy lol.

I remember when I was pregnant, towards the last couple of weeks of my third trimester, I invested a lot of time reading and researching about labour. The thought of pushing out a little human being out of me was one of my absolute fears in life! So of course I wanted to be prepared, and although the circumstances were different, as I mentioned in my birth story, I spent most of my time preparing for that labour.

Don’t get me wrong, going through labour is one of the most difficult things you will ever endure, but those first few weeks of your baby’s life are amongst one of the most difficult things you will ever imagine. Well, for me anyway.

Through out my pregnancy, I NEVER prepared for what life AFTER birth would be like. Especially going through an emergency caesarean, I was definately not prepared for that, and boy! did life become so hard after that. It honestly felt like I was thrown into the deep end and left there to die. (Ok, maybe a tad bit dramatic, but you know what I mean! lol) ..

I remember the day we were finally discharged from the hospital, I was so excited to go home! I mean, who wouldn’t be? The pain of the caesarean was so unbearable and at that point, struggle was definately real for me. Those stitches were so painful that even the recovery process did not even feel like it was getting anywhere. I found it so difficult to get in and out of bed, changing sleeping positions, going to the bathroom, oh and let’s not even talk about putting on clothes. I honestly felt like a prisoner in my own body.

I remember the first night we were home, I went for a shower and I just bursted out crying. Thank goodness the shower was loud and nobody could hear me. I was just in so much pain, felt really helpless and basically just felt sorry for myself. Every part of my body was aching and it felt like it wasn’t getting better.

Oh! let’s talk about breastfeeding. Part of my role at work includes infant nutrition, so I had some knowledge about breastfeeding and what I needed  to prepare myself for. However, all those information never prepared me for the PAIN that breastfeeding will bring. In my head, I was like what’s the big deal? all you need to do is, establish a good latching position, feed your baby and voila! done! piece of cake! Oh no no no..I was in so much pain that I dreaded every time my baby would cry because she was hungry.

It got to a point where I would find myself crying for most parts of the day, for what seems like no reason at all. I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for raising a new born other than to just get on with it! I remember our first night being transferred to the birthing unit, my husband nor my mother was not allowed to stay with baby and I. Oh gosh was that the hardest night of my life! Being in so much pain, having to take care of a baby and being on my own was so depressing! I literally cried for most parts of the night.

Then there’s the taking out baby task. Oh my goodness, it is SO difficult to go out with a baby. Even sitting her in the carseat freaks me out! Having her in the carseat seems like the most uncomfortable position ever so I would sit with her at the back seat and check on her every minute to see if she’s breathing. I try and sleep when she’s asleep but for some reason I can’t. I’m worried that something might happen while I’m asleep, you know, the attached, possessive, worried about every little thing phase every mother has, or is it just me? lol

These were the sort of things I wasn’t really prepared for. I spent most of my time preparing for  a natural birth which I did not get to experience. Life after birth is definately one of the hardest things I found myself struggling with. However, things did get a lot easier for me, I realised I needed to be around my family. My husband’s support was also helpful but sometimes a girl just needs her mom. I am so grateful for my mom!! Being a mom now, made me appreciate all the little things she’s done for me. It made me appreciate her hard work and especially her strength! I love you mom.

Glad to say, it did get easier! I love being a mom to my little girl. The feelings and joys that comes with it, is so rewarding. Sometimes I find myself staring at her while she’s asleep and thinking to myself, I am the luckiest person on this earth.

To my girl, you are worth every pain and I would go through it all over again just for you.

Love always,
Mom xo
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Being a Mom

I haven’t had time to blog only because, I’m too busy being a mom lol- but hey! I’m not complaining. I looooove being a mom to my little girl! She is the most beautiful little human I’ve ever seen!! I thought getting married was ‘anti’- nope! try having a baby- your whole world will change lol- for the better of course. 
 
Ever since I’ve given birth, I haven’t really had any time to take care of myself. I mean…..my hair is still in the same state as I was in labour like…4 weeks ago! and it smells like hospital. My eyebrows has grown itself nearly to the same height as my forehead, my facial hair needs a good 2 hours of threading and lets not even talk about the hairs on my legs :/ 
 
BUT..I love that she keeps me busy and I love that I get to stay with her all day. Now that I am a mom, it makes me appreciate all the little things that my mom did for us growing up (not that I didn’t appreciate them before lol). But it made me realize how important the role of being a mom is; and how tiring and rewarding it is. 
 
I think once you become a mom, you develop a different kind of love- a love that is different to your friends, family, work colleagues, husband (lol). I often forget that besides my daughter taking up most of my time, my husband also needs attention and love, and I need to remind myself that. But I’m sure he knows that I love him regardless. Right babe? lol 
 
Hopefully once we establish a much more easier routine, I will have time to take care of myself- instead of looking more and more like a zombie each day. But hey! I’m not complaining lol. 
 
I love you my girl. 
 
 
Mom xo
 
 
 

A birth story: Lyca Tauhikupala Latu Nemaia

I‘ve been building up the courage to write about the birth story of my sweet girl, not because I don’t have the time; but because I turn into an emotional wreck just thinking about her sweet entrance into this world. 

My due date was estimated for the 15th May 2016, which was on a Sunday. I remember waking up early on that Sunday morning and thinking to myself, “This is it! it’s time! she’s coming today!”..the day came and gone, and there was no sign of anything. Not even a slight pain that I recognized was odd, nothing. So i thought to myself, its ok..i know a lot of people who are first time mother’s and their babies come couple of days past their due date. 

The first day past my due date came and gone, then the second, third, fourth and eventually I was one week over due. This time, I started to get worried and thinking all sorts of craziness about ‘what if’…
The following week, I went in for my scan and boy did that put away all of my worries! I was able to see my baby still very active, heart beat going strong and getting very big! lol. So i went away that day feeling at ease knowing that my baby is doing fine. Couple of days after the scan, there was still no sign of any contractions. I went to see my midwife and she did a ‘stretch and sweep’ on me, to hopefully speed up the process. There was still nothing. Not one single pain. I think if there was ever a time, I would desperately want pain in my stomach, or period cramps, this would be the time!!! 

I went in again to see my midwife and I was put on some kind of machine to monitor my baby’s heartbeat and also to do another stretch and sweep. At this point, I started to get worried again and the thought of getting induced, scared the heck out of me. My plan of having a natural birth just went out the window. 

The following day, on Friday 27th May 2016 at 10am; I needed to go bathroom. And lo and behold , I had ‘the show’. I was sooooo excited!!! because I knew at this point things are finally happening!! So i went about my day; and about 1pm in the afternoon, I started to feel some unfamiliar pain. The pain came and went and I was like that for the rest of the day. The pain was mostly in my lower abdomen and it wasn’t too serious for me to go to the hospital. It was bearable. 

About 2am in the morning, this was now Saturday the 28th of May 2016; the pain got a little bit more intense. I got out of bed and walked up and down the room and woke up my husband to time how often I was getting these contractions. I was having contractions every 6minutes which lasted about 30 seconds long. At this point, I rung my midwife and let her know that I was in pain and having contractions. 

My original plan was to give birth at the Papakura Birthing Unit since it was close to home, but because I was overdue; I was already booked to be at Middlemore Hospital at 7.30pm on Saturday to be induced. So when I had rung my midwife, she still advised me to go through with my appointment even though I am having contractions. So you can imagine how I feel at this point. 

I rung my Mom and told her I was having contractions and she came home to be with me. Can I just say, that I have the best mom in the world!! I think any mother would do the same for their children, but I was extremely happy and grateful that my mom was there with me every step of the way. The whole day I was having contractions which lasted about 1minute and it came every 4 minutes. But still nothing too serious for me to go into established labour. So it was 7pm, and we made our way to Middlemore Hospital. Before we left, my husband and father in law gave me a blessing which definitely helped me to be at ease and knowing that not only my family is behind me but also my heavenly father. 

When we got to the hospital, my contractions were still the same however, the pain was getting a bit harder and rather more intense. By 8.30pm the nurse came in and broke my waters and hopefully things will start to speed up for me. However when she broke my waters, the colour came out green and immediately I started to freak out!! I knew then that there was something wrong. I was put again in that horrible machine to monitor my baby’s heartbeat and also keep track of my contractions. This time, i could really feel the pain of each contraction. Both my mom and my husband was on each side of the bed; and I held onto their hands between every contraction. 

By 10pm I was moved to another room, ready to give birth. The pain of each contraction was getting so real and lasted a bit longer. I was in so much pain that I finally gave in and asked for gas and air; which in fact made things worse. I felt really dizzy afterwards so i didn’t use it after one go. With every contraction, i tried my best to breathe through it but the pain was getting really painful that I started to get exhausted. The nurse suggested that I try the swiss ball, maybe that would help. So i thought, why not! Yeah, it made no difference. There were all sorts of wires hooked on to me left, right and centre; that the last thing I wanted to do was sit on a ball and sway from side to side with different wires connected to me. So that didn’t work. 

By 12am, the nurse came to check how far I was dilated and to my horror, I was only dilated 4cm!!!! My heart dropped and at that point I literally gave in. The pain of each contraction got the best of me and I was at the point of giving up. I knew I was in for a looooooong day. At this point, I was really exhausted and I could feel my body slowly giving up. I couldn’t handle the pain any longer, so I asked for an epidural. OMGGG can I just say, who ever invented epidural, is a freak’n genius!!!! As soon as I felt that needle go through my back; I watched the clock, 10mins past I was finally able to get some rest. I slept through every single contraction; seriously I was in heaven. So from then on, it was just a waiting game so that I can dilate 10cm and ready to push my baby out. 

However, I woke up because I noticed there were several nurses in the room and I saw the expression on my Mom’s face; that something was wrong. I looked around the room and noticed the machine monitoring my baby’s heartbeat was slowing down. A doctor came in to have a look at the progress of baby’s heartbeat and decided to do a blood test from baby’s head. The test came out positive showing that my baby was distressed and showing that her heartbeat was slowly going down. I looked at my mom and my husband with tears running down my face. The next thing we knew, there were lots of nurses and doctors inside the room preparing me for an emergency cesarean. I didn’t have time to fully take in what was happening to me, but all I remember at that time, was praying that my baby will be ok. 

I was taken into the surgery room, and everyone was rushing to make sure the process was done smoothly and to get my baby out ASAP. The last thing I saw before I was put to sleep was my husband standing on the side. 

I remember waking up feeling numb and couldn’t  feel my legs. The nurse came and asked me questions and I remember the first thing I said was, “Where’s my baby?”.. she reassured me that my baby was fine and that she’s with her daddy. 
I was wheeled back into the room and there she was, my sweet girl waiting for me. As soon as she was placed on my chest, I bursted out crying and was really grateful that she made it out safely. I can’t explain the feeling I had when I finally saw her and finally holding her in my arms. 

That night, the doctor came in to talk to us about my surgery and to apologise that everything happened so fast. I understand they were doing their job and im grateful that they reacted the way they did. She went on to explain that she found something unusual during the cesarean. She found that baby’s umbilical cord was too short and she hasn’t seen anything like it before. She said at first she thought maybe the umbilical cord was wrapped around baby’s neck or body but that wasn’t the case. It was just short. So according to her, that explained a lot as to why I couldn’t go into established labour. That explained why baby’s head was still quite high even though I was having regular contractions and nothing was happening. That explained why her heartbeat was slowly going down because she tried her best to come down but her umbilical cord was holding her back. 

I am grateful that my baby and myself are safe. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to be a mother to this sweet spirit and I can’t believe that she’s all mine. 

Our sweet girl, Lyca Tauhikupala Latu Nemaia was born 29th May 2016 at 3:41am, weighing at 3.79lbs and 50cm long. 

We love you our sweet girl. 

Mommy and Daddy xo 


Mother’s Day

So, the week before mother’s day; my husband and I went on a date to the mall. This is our usual routine in the weekend. We would either go for a drive to Otahuhu and dine at our fave Vietnamese Restaurant-Sam Woos, visit the night market, drive out West and visit my family or just drive to the mall and do some window shopping lol.

Because during the week, i have already made up my mind what i wanted for mother’s day; my husband insisted that we go to the mall to pick up batteries for his go-pro. (So, I happily agreed because I knew this is a perfect time to show him what I wanted for mother’s day lol)
We picked up his batteries and we went for a walk around the mall. I saw the Pharmacy store ahead and so I told him I wanted to go inside and have a look. We got to the store and I walked straight to the perfume section lol. I searched for the perfume I wanted and showed it to him and told him THIS is what I wanted for mother’s day. He looked at the perfume and looked at me and said, ‘what a craaaack up’ LOL.

After laughing at me with my cunning plans, he agreed to buy it for me right there on the spot. But because i wanted it to be great and marvelous, I insisted that he gets it wrapped in a nice gift wrapping paper, write a little note and address it to me. Is that too much to ask? lol. I reminded him that out of all his hobbies and interests, this is the time that he should put a little more effort into. So we walked away from the shop, perfume (less) and thinking to myself- ‘Oh gosh, I should’ve just got the perfume right then when I had the chance’ LOL 

So through out the week, I kept making little comments about perfumes and reminded him about mother’s day lol. You know, just incase he forgets lol.

Came the morning of Mother’s Day, I woke up and lo and behold; there sitting on the drawer, was my perfume all wrapped in the nice gift wrapping paper, a note and it was addressed to me. Just how I wanted it- lol. 

Thank you to my dear husband for going above and beyond to make me happy- and for making this mother’s day extra special for me. I love you! Now, its just any day before we get to meet our little princess.

 I would also like to wish my dearest mother a happy mother’s day. You are the most self-less person I know and also the most hardworking. Thank you for teaching me all that I know and for continuing to teach me even now that I am married. I love you and if I become half the person that you are, I’d consider myself to be a great mom.

Also, a happy mother’s day to my mother-in-law. You have accepted me as one of your own and loved me like no other. Thank you for raising such a wonderful young man that I now call my husband. I hope this mother’s day will bring you nothing but pure love and happiness.

Lastly, I would like to wish all the mother figures out there a happy mother’s day! I hope you all got to spent it with your loved ones and all your wishes came true today. 

Love always, 
Ati xo 

    
Me and mother dear. 

My sweet mother in law. She is a chef, so you would find her in the kitchen most of the time cooking up a storm. 
A happy mother’s day to myself! 🙂

My mother’s day present all wrapped up 🙂
    

My heart is full

I’m sitting here at home and I cannot help but think about all the things I have gone through in the last 25 years of my life. 
Some great moments and some  ‘not so great’ moments. However, I personally believe that such experiences has prepared myself for the sacred role I am about to embark in the next couple of days. Growing up, my mother has always been my absolute role model and the one person I wish to be when I myself become a mother. She is my definition of hard work and I know for sure if I become half the person that she is, I’d consider myself to be a great mom. 
Although I am married and have a family of my own, I am continuously surrounded by powerful and such hardworking women. These women give meaning to the sacred role they hold as a mother and they have played a huge part in my life. 
In the next couple days or so, or in 10 days to be exact; I will be a mother. A mother to a beautiful little girl. My heart is filled with so many emotions and I know for sure all of the things I have gone through in the past, has prepared me for this moment. Just knowing that Heavenly Father has chosen us to be parents to one of his children in this life, is humbling on its own.

I don’t know exactly how I’m gona be once my little girl is here, (probably an emotional wreck) lol- but all I know is that I will try my best to be the best mother I could be to her. I was raised by the best mother that I know and continue to be surrounded by such amazing bunch of women; so I think I’m gona be ok.

My husband and I are excited for the arrival of our baby and as newly parents to be, we are looking forward to the sleep less nights. Well, I don’t know about my husband but I am going to have some good sleep. I think I’ve done my part for the past 9 months carrying this child, now it’s my husband’s turn lol

I am excited, scared, nervous all in one! but one thing i know for sure is, that my heart is full.

lots of love,
Ati xx

*special thanks to my dear friend Mele for taking these beautiful pictures!