My battle with breastfeeding: The Highs and Lows

Before I begin with this post, I just want to say that; what I am about to share, does not necessarily make me a ‘pro’ breastfeeder or perhaps claim that I am better than anyone at breastfeeding or say that “you are doing it wrong!” kinda thing. What I am about to share is solely based on my own experience and hopefully this post will shed some light on some mothers who are struggling with breastfeeding or perhaps consider breastfeeding her child.

So thinking back on my pregnancy, I always knew from the ‘get go’ that I wanted to breastfeed my baby no matter what. Growing up, I’ve always known that breastfeeding was the best thing you could ever give your child and I never really understood why mothers would choose otherwise. However, given various circumstances and situations, some mothers just cannot breastfeed. No matter how hard they try, they just can’t and that’s it.

Given my situation, I was very fortunate enough that as soon as Lyca was born she latched on pretty well and away she went! She knew exactly what she was doing and thank goodness for that!! because I literally had no clue lol. So not only did she make things a lot easier for me, I knew I was very lucky because I knew some mothers weren’t as lucky as myself.

So why did I do it? Why am I breastfeeding? The answer is simple. “I wanted the best for my baby”. The thought of formula feeding was very unnatural to me. I mean, the word ‘formula’ on its own; sounded like some kind of weird, scary, scientific experiment. So to even begin to think about what goes in that tin of powdered milk, and how it was made, scared the heck outta me. So that was the main reason why I chose to breastfeed my baby.

However, having said that; not everything was smooth and peachy. In fact, it was one of the most difficult task I had ever come across. The pain of breastfeeding was so excruciating and that was something I was not prepared for. I briefly talked about it on my ‘Postnatal Blues’ post here. I’m not gonna lie, at some point I was on the verge of giving up and slowly giving in to the idea of formula feeding. But I knew if I was to put my baby on formula, I was only thinking about myself which was really selfish of me. I came to the realisation that its not about me anymore but rather a little human being who’s life has become so dependent on me, and I can’t just let her down because I was experiencing some pain. I knew I had to be strong. I knew I had to overcome this. I knew I had to really endure to the end, in order for my baby to have the best.

So what did I do with the pain? I kept on breastfeeding! As crazy and painful as that sounds, I really had no choice but to soldier on with the pain and continue to feed my baby. I know it sounds easier said than done on here, but trust me when I say, the pain was so torturous and I think some mothers out there can relate to the same thing. In my head I was thinking, “Geez how much more pain does a woman need to go through?!” I mean, isn’t childbirth enough? Apparently not. lol

Then, there was the whole breastfeeding in public thing. I’ve come across so much drama online and on the media about breastfeeding and it made me sad to see how society views breastfeeding in public as ‘inappropriate’, ‘disgusting’ oh even worse- “go breastfeed your baby in the restroom”..I mean c’mon now! Would you take your food and eat in the restroom? I don’t think so. Same principle applies here. I am not saying that all society think this way, but i know others beg to differ. And of course at the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I haven’t experienced anything like this but if it was to happen, then now you know where my thoughts lie lol. What I’m trying to say is, if your baby is crying because he/she is hungry, don’t feel like you have to hide or don’t be afraid of what others might think or say. When your baby is hungry, they will demand for a feed right then and there and they wouldn’t care where you are at the time. And you shouldn’t be either.

I’m glad to say that breastfeeding eventually did get a lot easier for me. I only experienced pain for just 2 weeks. I know, 2 weeks felt like 2 years at the time! lol- but that pain only lasted for a short period of time. Now, I enjoy nursing my baby and having that special bond that only you can experience with your baby through breastfeeding.

If it’s one thing I learned from breastfeeding is, establishing a good latching position, and I think this is key. What I had thought at the time was a good position, turned out to be the complete opposite; and that is when it went all down hill for me lol.

Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful and natural experience a woman can have. And if it be done properly, it can be such an enjoyable experience.

To all my dear mothers, nothing can ever compare or comprehend to the sacred role we hold as a mother. It is our divine duty given to us and although it comes with a lot of pain and heartache, the joy of seeing your baby grow and knowing that you tried to give them the best, is rewarding on it’s own. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself credit for all that you’ve done because you deserve it and so much more.

Ati xx


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